The Lonely Lady by Michelle Sutton

Author:Michelle Sutton
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub
Publisher: Healing Hearts books
Published: 2018-01-12T05:00:00+00:00

Chapter Eleven

Tara couldn't believe what they had just done. To make matters worse, they hadn't even used protection. At least back when she was in high school her mother had put her on the pill. She'd stopped taking it a few years ago when it became too expensive and she had no reason to be on them anymore. Since becoming a Christian, she had firmly placed her past in the past. She'd never expected it to rise up and bite her when she wasn't prepared to defend herself.

What if she became pregnant? With all of her other responsibilities, the last thing she needed was an infant to take care of, too. Tara groaned. She'd never done anything so stupid or irresponsible before. At least not since she'd given her life to Christ.

Now it couldn't be undone. Why had she let her body take over and overrule her convictions? Just because Josiah had been hurting, didn't mean she had to offer him everything. Her emotions had gotten tangled up when she saw his grief, and her basest instincts had kicked in. The desire to give her body to him had been there since he'd walked back into her life.

Until that evening, she had been faithful to Jesus. But now she felt dirty, even though sex was a gift from God. They weren't married, so their fornication was not blessed. They couldn't do that again. Not until they'd said their vows... If they married at all.

If only she could retrace her steps, she would have walked out of the house. Was there any hope for a future if they couldn't restrain their flesh now? Would God even honor a relationship that was so obviously flawed? Had her love for Josiah pushed Jesus from the throne of her heart? She groaned and cried out to Jesus for forgiveness. She wanted to feel right with God again, and that wasn't going to happen unless she told the Lord that she would "go, and sin no more."

Her heart ached when she thought about the devastated look in Josiah's eyes. Had he really needed more than a tender, affirming hug? She doubted it. He'd needed love, not sex, to relax him and reassure him that he would be okay. Instead, she'd enticed him to do more. At the time, their bodies had reacted to the pain, and acted like comfort and sexual intimacy were the same. Probably because they had been so familiar with each other back in high school that it seemed like a natural response to make love. But it was the worst thing they could have done.

If only she had resisted the desire to give herself to him completely, but she'd reacted like someone had flipped the switch to automatic pilot and had disengaged her brain from her body. Now she was disgusted with herself and was pretty sure he felt the same way. Before she'd become a Christian she never thought twice about what they'd done when they were together. Now she feared it would be the very thing that would break them apart.

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